i am a woodlouse
crawling, afraid, crawling
holding myself open
holding
Guilt happens when things don't measure up in quite the way you thought they should. This person that I "should be" is better than the person that I "am".
Where was this person that I should be when I was busy being who I am? She who is me-but-not-me should be me at least long enough to do the things I should do, otherwise I'll piss off Future Me.
Believe me, you don't want Future Me to be upset with you.
I'd like to think that everyone thinks about death as much as I do, they just don't verbalize it as much.
Death has the unique characteristic of being both abstract and completely real; as in, my own death or the death of someone I love is abstract only in the sense that it is not yet realized. It's not purely philosophical. If anything, its inevitability makes everything else appear abstract, or at the very least contrived.
Maybe I'll just pick a date on which I'll die and that will be that. I'm thinking sometime during the month of February, between the years 2050 to 2059.
That's a long way off, but still.
It occurred to me tonight that one way to define "trust" would be: to believe that someone has not changed, or, to believe that if someone has changed it has not rendered them a hypocrite.
You don't have to be depressed to listen to Haushcka. It's really quite beautiful.
